April 2010
45 posts
The "Big Mac" Disaster of '09
It was an ordinary trip to Walmart. We had our cart full of goodies, picked up toilet paper in the “Mega Roll” variety, sniffed candles as a guise to appear more sophisticated than we are, and managed to make it out of the electronics and toy sections alive and still on budget. After being married for over 7 years, you tend to get things down to an art. And, well, Walmart...
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Friday's Faves of Dave's: The Palmer
I was first introduced to the Arnold Palmer Tea by another incredible Tulsa blog, The Art of Manliness. They had a post that offered advice to Teetotalers who found themselves in a situation where avoiding the bar wasn’t possible. The article didn’t highlight the Palmer but briefly. Yet, the mere mention caught enough of my attention to lead me to the webernets for more resources....
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“For once, I’d like to see @tashadoestulsa include “sit around in...”
– DaveTheAlbino
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“I just ousted @kohorev as the mayor of Buffalo Wild Wings on @foursquare!”
– DaveTheAlbino
No Surprise, It's Poop.
It came out like a river once I let it out.
When I thought that I wouldn’t know how.
Held onto it forever.
Just pushin it down.
Felt so good to let go of it now.
Not wrappin’ this in ribbons.
Shouldn’t have to give a reason why.
You want to know what I think every time I hear the aforementioned 2nd verse of Daughtry’s smash hit, “No Surprise”? I...
Lazy Lazy Lazy
Modern life requires hardly any physical activity. We just push a button and stand there. All you have to do to find evidence of this is walk out to your garage. Inside, you’ll find something rather ridiculous. It’s your car. Apparently, some things just can’t be simple enough. Someone decided that having to crank the car window down yourself was too hard.
I don’t want to...
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Aw(e)ful Pics of Jesus: Floater or Fighter?
Is it just me? This is the 11Trillionth picture of the Christ I’ve seen on the webernets, and nearly every single picture of Jesus depicts him as if he’s underwater, floating off to the deep end of the pool. He’s always wearing a bedsheet, and he’s always floating away. Is He the Savior of All Mankind or the Lady of the Lake?
I think I’m going to write the...
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Someone's Asking to be Deported
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“I think Velma from Scooby Doo should be given her own Law&Order...”
– DaveTheAlbino
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Driving Miss Daisy
EPIC FAIL!
I HOPE THEY HAVE SAFE AUTO - LOL!
Looks like someone just drove their new Mercedes out the back of a 5th story parking garage. This pic was taken from the scene by a coworker’s wife.
This image is from NewsOn6.com - the resident Downtown news station.
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“Chick-Fil-A Chicken Minis: most important modern invention? Discuss.”
– davisftw
Dave’s Reply: Yes, Mr. Davis.. I do agree. AMAZING!
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Aw(e)ful Pics of Jesus: I'm a PC
I Saved Humanity from Hell, and I’m a PC!
Anybody notice how this “Jesus” looks like Chuck Norris? And that halo makes the whole piece look like a movie poster for a Spanish Western. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy Chuck, Westerns, and my PC. While I’m certain that Windows 7 was His idea, I doubt our Redeemer used a keyboard shortcut to purchase our pardon. Just...
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Unicorn Meat (Tastes Like Magical Spam)
Think Geek has a wonderful recipe on their site for those of you who magical meat.
I’m guessing it tastes like Lucky Charm Hormel Chili sprinkled in glitter paint.
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“Ugh, this toothpaste smells like HumpDay. I need a mint.”
– DaveTheAlbino
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Sorry I'm Late
You know, with all of the advancements in technology you would think that it would help people become more productive. You’d hope that it would at least help people get to things on time. But, it doesn’t. What’s worse, people haven’t updated their excuses for WHY they’re late. It’s always the same old, tired reasons for putting things off.
“Sorry,...
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Aw(e)ful Pics of Jesus: SpiderTeen
In this edition of “Aw(e)ful,” the role of Jesus is being played by a teen-movie reject who is sporting what is clearly a fake beard. No one this young could grow a beard full enough to put Grizzly Adams to shame. I’m a grown man, with a wife and a daughter in school, and I can’t even grow a beard that full.
And, when did Jesus get a nose job? And, if Jesus was...
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How to Spot a Douchebag on Facebook
Welcome to a new segment here on Accidentally Albino that I like to call, “How to Spot a Douchebag on Facebook.” I’ll post a new tip each and every Monday. So, let’s get things kicked off with a hot one.
Do they advertise every embarrassing detail of their failed romances in the status section?
Last year I had the unique opportunity to observe a bitter status...
What Would Jack Bauer Do?
I’ve got another confession to make. I’m your Jew.
And with the beginnings of another parody, I start my Monday poking fun at one of my favorite bands, The FooFighters. I’m sleepy, and trying my best to land on the runway after a weekend with my head in the clouds. This morning’s little spoof-session is somewhat ironic because I actually do have a confession to make.
I like...
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“My daughter just tried to play the “ICUP” joke on me. Classically,...”
– DaveTheAlbino
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“2 parts Lemonade + 1 part unsweet tea = Arnold Palmer GOODNESS! ...”
– DaveTheAlbino
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“You know, for an EPIC movie classic, The Outsiders has a lame soundtrack…...”
– DaveTheAlbino
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“Admiral Twin 60th B-Day cake - kick ass! RT @DaveTheAlbino:...”
– tashadoestulsa
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“What do you get when you mix an off balance albino with a slippery shower? A...”
– DAVETHEALBINO
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Aw(e)ful Pics of Jesus: In the Name of the Gun
Apparently, Jesus was one of the Inglorious Basterds and no one ever told me. The fact that the Prince of Peace is depicted in such a violent way could be offensive. It could ruffle some feathers. I could see that being an issue.
While I can’t say that I don’t sometimes dream of Jesus bringing swift justice to evil scum such as the Nazis, radical Islamic terrorists, child...
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“Epic Saturday coming up. I need some sleep. (:”
– DaveTheAlbino
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Aw(e)ful Pics of Jesus: The Mugger
I first saw this picture posted in the home of my dear friend, Deanne Rainwater. And, while I can definitely see why any well-meaning Christian would look at this picture and feel touched by how the man is being held in the arms of Jesus something just seems wrong with that interpretation.
Let me paint you a different picture using the same piece of art. Let’s rewind about 10 minutes....
How We Got Here (Sorta.)
You may wonder why I’ve started writing here instead of Facebook. While, newcomers to my musings might wonder why I’m writing at all. I vaguely remember losing a race in fifth grade to a girl. As part of my punishment for losing, I was forced to eat HUNDREDS of Red Hots… Maybe the effects are just now kicking in?? I don’t know, really.
In all honesty, I think the...
Spring is in the Air!
Spring is officially in the air. You can literally see it floating… in the air. It’s this tiny, white, fluffy stuff and whenever it gets near my nose it causes my face to explode. I don’t know if you’ve ever been whiplashed by the involuntary action of your body shooting things from your schnoz, but it rivals the “Purple Nurple” on most people’s...
Fill Up Your Boots, Man.
Hello! And, welcome to “Accidentally Albino.”
Please make yourself at home while you enjoy my posts. Take off your shoes, loosen your pants, make those funny “at home” faces that we all do. Grunt, sigh, laugh, giggle, but try not to shoot Coke out of your nose. (That hurts REAL BAD!) Just do your best to be comfortable. Heck, you can even cut the cheese and I won’t care. Just...
