June 2010
39 posts
May 2010
57 posts
WatchThank you to everyone who’s sacrificed their special moments so that we could have ours. Your memory will not be forgotten.
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“4 evenings outside is about to kill me. Ahhhh, asthma. If I die leave my Twitter...”
– thatsbaloney
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RHOKCards: Mrs. McGillicutty
The Southie was the first blogger outside of Tasha to take me in as a real part of the Tulsa Blog scene. So, it’s only fitting that she have a RHOKCard. After all, she IS a FOUNDER of The Real Housewives….
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RHOKCards: Mrs. Albright
Not only did she take me in as her Live Event Trivia buddy, she also let me play with her super awesome camera. That’s better than a kiss dead on the lips. So, that’s why the 2nd RHOKcard released is Mrs. Albright, Dawn Da-Bomb.
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RHOKCards: Mrs. Priss
After a toss-up DRAW in last evening’s Albino War, I came up with a zanny idea to create RHOK-Star trading cards… So, in order to graciously honor my worthy opponent, I made Jonni Baloney’s RHOKCard first.
Here’s to you Mrs. Priss
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TDT PICKS
I gather this post is probably too late, and Tasha’s already posted her “What to do this Memorial Day Weekend” post, but I still have a job to do… So here are my picks for this Memorial Day Weekend….
FRIDAY Call the Cox Customer Service line just to make fart noises at the rep.
SATURDAY Donate some of your hair so it can be used to soak up some of the oil off my...
A Bunny & A Dream
Meet Kate.
She’s a bunny with a dream… A dream to become a reality TV star.
She’s already got the babies cause, well, she’s a bunny.. and well… bunnies make babies… but NOW… now she’s got the hair too! Look out TLC! Your next star has arrived!
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Aw(e)ful Pics of Jesus: Bearded Becky
O.M.G. Becky! Is THIS the Christ? Surely not! It actually looks like a bearded lady dressed in a choir robe bumming a smoke while holding an exploding bottle of Avon perfume. But that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.
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Pelosi's Speech: The Transcript
Speech Transcript : May 24, 2010 12:00pm from the House of Representatives
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
Ladies and Gentlemen of the United States of America, we live in perilous times. For the third week in a row, the wonderfully talented and ruggedly handsome albino, Dave Short, has posted his TDT PICKS. Three weeks, he’s toiled and contemplated. He’s slaved over...
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DB Mondays: Imagine
Do they have one or more lines from John Lennon’s “Imagine” in their quotes section?
That song sucks harder than a jet pump on a hot tub. There, I said it. Okay, it’s catchy and has a positive message and whatever, but I can’t possibly be the only person on the planet who thinks the lyrics sound like the sentiments of a ninth grader who just got high for the first time.
“You might say that...
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Nancy Pelosi dishes up some TDT Pick Payback
The House Speaker is gearing up for her big speech on Monday… It ought to be EPIC.
Tis the Season to Be Married
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“I just unlocked the “Local” badge on @foursquare!...”
– DaveTheAlbino
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Thursday's TDT Pick
Keeping with weekly tradition, even while remaining devastatingly unemployed, I present to you this week’s TDT Picks.
Friday:
Discuss with your local pizza delivery person the importance of perfectly executed pizza slicing geometry.
Saturday:
Patch a few potholes in the neighborhood using Mighty Mend-It.
Sunday:
Go to Woodward Park and see how many times you can make...
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DB Mondays
*Today, we continue our series “How to Spot a Douchebag on Facebook” by turning our eye towards profile pics.
Is their profile picture a blurry snapshot of them playing the bass in what appears to be a high school auditorium?
This one should probably be self-explanatory. It could have been any instrument really, but I went with the bass. Don’t take it personally.
Is their...
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Twit-Spam: The Nom-Noms
After I tweeted about my idea for an excellent cheeseburger, I immediately was hit with this nugget of Twit-Spam…..
I click the link, and I’m swept away to a magical land where these beaut’s are on sale…
Thank you, I’ll have one for each index finger!
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WatchThe Albino’s very first Local YouTube Hero, Greyson Chance, performs on the Ellen Show!
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Daily "Clash of the Caucasians" Update
Today is Jonni Baloney’s birthday. While she’s spending her birthday cramming cake into her very skinny face, licking icing off her fingers, and traveling around the state as a headgear model for the fashion impaired, I’ll be here, preparing my victory speech.
Last evening, she posted a blog to rally her troops. I’ll admit, she’s got quite a large group of...
Share a Joke: Married in Heaven
On their way to getting married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked...
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Thursday's TDT Pick
Hello Tulsa!
We’ve got a very, very busy weekend up ahead of us here in T-Town. With MayFest, a Holistic Mothers Retreat, the “rockin” opera, and Cirque Dreams on the docket, there’s a lot of things to keep you entertained.
After only doing this one time prior, I’ve already come to the realization that I should make a TDT Pick for each day of the weekend....
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“Like a Crane, so I Twitter Isaiah 38:14 NASB”
– DaveTheAlbino
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Clash of the Caucasians: Dave vs Baloney
If you were to measure whiteness, on a scale of 1 to 10, I would be a 129.
Even if you were to debate my measurements, once you have a look at me it becomes apparently evident that I’m the most Caucasian person west of the Prime Meridian.
I’m so white, I bleed SPF45.
My birthstone is chalk. I’m the only person to have ever been sued by a loaf of bread. In math...
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Aw(e)ful Pics of Jesus: Goofy's Graven Images
This just in. The King of Kings, Jesus Christ, and his lawyers met earlier this morning to discuss the final details on a deal that would give Walt Disney the exclusive rights to several of the Lord’s most famously trademarked poses. The poses, which consist of hanging on a cross, being depicted with impressive light around his head, and holding his right hand in an awkward position...
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Are You Listening?!
Have you ever had this happen to you?
The other day I was on the phone with someone. It wasn’t even a very long conversation; maybe 2 minutes or so. . Yet, even in this short amount of time, I began to realize that the guy I was talking to wasn’t listening to a word I was saying. I could tell he wasn’t listening to me because I said something funny, and he didn’t...
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“Anyone know where I can find out more about celebrities I’ve never heard of...”
– JimGaffigan
Good News/Bad News for Miley
I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?
Okay, I know that statement grates on people. The pressure of choosing between what could be a wonderful tidbit of information and a potentially devastating piece of data is enough to crush the sanity of most people. So, I’ll choose for you. I like to start my days off on a search for good news, so...
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“Since the Weather Guys have control of your TV tonight, ditch the Tube and come...”
– DaveTheAlbino
McLinky Espionage: Know Me, A to Z
Forgive me Father for I’ve sinned.
I really hope this doesn’t leave your door ajar, but I peeked at the McLinky Monday on the Real Housewives of Oklahoma website today.
Yes, Father… I DID say the REAL HOUSEWIVES.
Yes, I realize that site is for a bunch of girls.
Yes Father, I realize they have cooties.
Well, to be frank, I was certain a lot of things were...
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DB Monday: About Me
(DB Monday is a weekly continuation of the “How to Spot a Douchebag on Facebook” series. If you want to read previous posts, click the tag at the bottom. Enjoy! )
Have they used their “About Me” section to place a free personal ad?
I’m a warm-hearted, hard-working, laidback, easygoing, outgoing, personable, down-to-earth guy who loves to have a good time. I love my friends and...
Obama's Pick: Kagan
I won’t get too political here because I don’t really have an articulate position on the matter. But I really hope Kevin James sticks with his acting career and doesn’t take this nomination seriously… By the way, nice pearls Kev… Nice pearls.
Props to my buddy Josh Craig for bringing this issue to my attention.
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Aw(e)ful Pics of Jesus: The Fall Guy
Jesus looks a lot like Lee Majors. Makes sense. After all, Lee Majors was the Fall Guy. And, the Fall Guy was hardcore. And, well, Jesus is hardcore. Ain’t that right, Lee?
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Aw(e)ful Pics of Jesus: Speechless
So, this is what it feels to be speechless. Pardon me while I take the taser prods out of my neck. Please hold.
Wow, when did Jesus become a Show Tune Piano Man? I have to say, I’ve never seen the Christ look so slender before. Of course, when you’re forced to compare his stature to that of the 3 enormous blondes swooning over his jazz fingers it’s hard to judge the...
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Friday's Faves of Dave's: Ride the FroYo Wave
Mid the Hills of Tulsa, ‘neath the Sooner sky, nestled between a GameStop and Tulsa’s best Smashburger is one of Tulsa’s best kept secrets. Up till a few weeks ago, the closest you could get to having a frozen treat this delicious was to pray that the older gentleman at Braums would slip you an extra dip of Birthday Cake Ice Cream on the house. But, not any more. Peachwave...
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Thursday's TDT PICK
I know it’s late, but I just decided on Thursday’s new segment. The Drillers have Thirsty Thursday. Mommy Bloggers have Thankful Thursdays. I have Thursday’s “TDT PICK”
That’s right. I’m taking aim at Tasha Ball and her infamous TashaDoesTulsa.com. Each and every weekend she posts a list of “What To Do In Tulsa This Weekend.” In an...
Cinco de Racist?
A group of California students who dared to wear the American flag on Cinco de Mayo learned a hard lesson about the corruption of citizenship and sovereignty this week.
They were sent home for their show of U.S. patriotism.
Because while flying the colors of reconquista is perfectly acceptable, flying Old Glory is practically a hate crime. KTVU reports:
Five students at a South Bay high school...
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Aw(e)ful Pics of Jesus: Flaming Icon
What is with this pose? Is Jesus bumming a smoke? He’s apparently already got a light. It’s that flaming hot water bottle near his sternum. Seriously folks, Jesus wasn’t a stoner. Let’s do the Lord some artistic justice next time. This utter nonsense.
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“I’d have Chili Con Queso for just about any reason, but in celebration of...”
– DaveTheAlbino
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“Cutting Libraries during a recession is like cutting hospitals during a plague”
– Eleanor Crumblehulme
Drilling Downtown: Quatro de Mayo
It took little to no time finding a parking spot and we were in the ballpark within 10 minutes of arriving Downtown. If the concession stands at ONEOK were as quick, we would’ve been able to prevent Squishy Face from emerging so early in the evening. Unfortunately, it took 3 times as long. I could’ve eaten at Spaghetti Warehouse and trollied over quicker than it took to get 2...
Dave's Spring Gift Guide
“It’s the thought that counts.”
If I had a nickle for every time I’ve heard that statement rattled off by some poor sap standing in the ”self checkout” lane at Walmart, I’d never have to pay toll again. This phrase has been used as an emotional band-aid for decades. If it really is the “thought that counts,” why don’t we skip the...
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“Happy “Stinkhole Scott Baio” ”
– DaveTheAlbino 