Accidentally Albino

Interestingly enough, I’m related to Martin Short. 

I realized the other day that most of the time, when things are going poorly some bad PR is involved.

When you’re young there’s the PRincipal’s Office

When you grow up there’s the PRobation Office

Of course, no one wants to find themselves in the Witness PRotection PRogram, a PRostitution sting, or the PRostate clinic.

And you’re really in trouble if you find yourself stuck in PRattville.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t written a post in a while, but I’m feeling a bit shunned by the Tulsa Blogging Elite.  

There I go again.  I sound like Sarah Palin.  Maybe I can refudiate something while I’m at it.  AAAAAANYWAYS….

The RHOK Ladies came to my comedy show Monday night.  

They didn’t laugh.

Instead of posting a boisterous review of my amazing comedy routine, they’re circulating a stupid video of some schmuck who looks like the landlord from Lady in the Water.

I’m so devastated that all I’ve been able to do is sit in my chair and rock back and forth… All the while, I’ve been clutching double-stuffed Oreos in an unhealthy attempt to fill a void…

And I’m out of milk! 

I hope they’re happy!  Cause now I have cookie stuck to the roof of my mouth and there’s no way to get it off without gagging myself.

Somebody hold me.

It’s a late Thursday evening, and the weekend is fastly approaching… So, without further hub-bub, here are my picks for the weekend.

Friday

Kick the weekend off by strengthening your core muscles.  You’ll need them for my Comedy Show on Monday.

Saturday

Watch Space Jam 4 times and veg out all day. Spare your face muscles so they can endure the workout on Monday at my Comedy Show.

Sunday

Hire a 10th grader to go do your grocery shopping so you can rest up for my Comedy Show on Monday.

Looks like some folks from Cambridge have put together a sculpture of yours truly.  
Pretty awesome.  

But do they have to let the old ladies fondle it?  

Awkward

So it’s still technically Thursday… Here are my picks.

Friday

Stand outside Cinemark and hand out “promotional” Twinkies before the first showing of Despicable Me.

Saturday

hotglue several beach balls together to fashion a life preserving raft in preparation for the next urban flood.

Sunday

Leak to the internet who the Big Brother Saboteur is before it’s announced on TV next week… When people ask you why you would do such a thing, scream “CAUSE THIS ISN’T ABC AND THIS ISN’T THE MOLE! BIG BROTHER SHOULD STICK WITH HAVING AN AMERICA’S PLAYER!”

Yes, I realize I have completely abandoned you, the Albino faithful, for quite some time.  But… But… I’ve been busy, blowing things up and getting comfy in my new job.  Besides, I’m kind of boring.  

Now that I have a job, things are different.  I have to actually be away from my computer for longer than 2 hours at a time… In fact, it’s nearly 8, sometimes 10 hours before I can even check my facebook.  Gah, I know!  Sacrifices suck!

And, I have to write A LOT on my new job, but its boring training terms.  I have to write so much that every now and then I have to lay some flour down so my hand will be able to stride along the pages.  It wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t so autistic… I mean, artistic.  I write everything like it’s meant to be printed in a comic book.  My handwriting is very excellent, but it takes me an hour just to get through my address.  Can you imagine what it’s like to write out 50 glossary terms?!  It’s terrible!  This is the EXACT reason I almost failed Chemistry in high school.

Anyways, I know this isn’t exciting for anyone, but I had to break the silence.  I’ll be returning tomorrow with my TDT PICKS… I hope I don’t let any of you down.

BY THE WAY!  JULY 19th I’ll be performing my big comedy set at Joe Momma’s Downtown Tulsa at 10pm.  I’m looking to get a huge crowd to come in and see my act.  Let me know if you plan on coming and I’ll try to give you more details if you need them.

I’m too lazy to blog.  I’ll be back after I go blow some stuff up.