Holy Lord Almighty! Send help! (Taken with...

Hey, I'm Dave.

I like sharp crayons, shiney gadgets, strawberry milk, moleskin journals, and awkward silence.

I vicariously live through Kick Buttowski, and channel my inner Dennis Miller every time I have to wait in a line. I drive into strange neighborhoods to get lost. I prefer the company of perfect strangers. Some times I brush my teeth with my left hand so I can pretend someone else is doing it for me. I eat cottage cheese with peaches because someone has to. I munch on candy canes and smile way too much. I draw on my arm because I can't make a decent tattoo decision, and I have an incredible Mickey Mouse impression.

I cant go to the mall without smelling every scent in Bath and Body Works. I mess with people at the grocery store. I blow bubbles on my lunch break, I buy my clothes at JC Penny and I eat Chick Fil-A three times a week. I don't fish, and I can't hunt. I don't own any camo. I don't take orders, and I'm no mamby pamby. I take Dayquil at night. I smack my gum, I hog the remote, and I am in love with my DVR. Every morning I do three jumping jacks so the day wont be a waste of deordorant. I crack my knuckles, love burnt pizza, and have a love affair with mullets that cannot be explained.

I teach Photoshop and I bend pixels while everyone else is sleeping. I make the world shine, literally. My skin is nearly reflective. I'm a walking disco-ball. I dont own a tool box. I can't make it through a weekend without watching Phineas and Ferb.

I am infatuated with Ellen Degeneres and fascinated by the comedy of Gaffigan, CK, and Hedberg. My "idols" are Steve Martin, Bill Cosby, and Dennis Quaid. I refuse to eat a burger without bacon. I take my cheese melty and never stringy. I wrangle code, ride the pony down the aisles at Target, and although I'm a staunch conservative I still think Rush Limbaugh is a joke.

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